It’s not like I set out to be June Cleaver, much less Mother of the Year.

Far from it, actually.

Motherhood to me feels more like Survivor meets June Cleaver. But after growing up in a not-so-nurturing situation, I immersed myself in so much self-help in my 20s that I started calling myself the “self-help connoisseur.”

If we were going to have children, there was no way I was going to continue the devastating pattern of abuse passed down two generations of my family. The way I saw it, the pattern ended with me.

Despite the fact that I rarely think about my mother, much less talk about her to my children, my six-year-old son is naturally curious.

Was she mean? he wants to know.

Did she let you eat chocolate?  He leans closer, wide-eyed.

Then, he drops an earth-halting question right as I stuffed a softball-sized meatball in my mouth: But how did you learn how to be a good mom?

Did he just say I’m a good mom?

He repeated the question.

Being a good mom to you guys is the most important thing to me in the world, I told him, trying to swallow the tears as his oblivious four-year-old sister colored.

It was like getting the biggest frequent coffee card punched, then realizing you wouldn’t need to pay for coffee ever again. I told him he had just given me the best present ever, then blurted out: Now we’re definitely getting dessert.

To good moms everywhere: Happy  Holidays and all the best for a fabulous 2009!

Jacki Sturkie is a stand-up comic and mother who lives in Portland, Oregon. She runs a smarty pants greeting card company called Sass Mouth Cards that takes on parent angst and a range of non-PC subjects. An award-winning copywriter by trade, Jacki still writes like crazy. Check out her blog here.

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