I am the classic pear shape: tiny upper body with a rounded lower body. I’ve never had breasts bigger than an ‘aa’ cup.

You can imagine how excited I was with my first pregnancy about getting “porn” breasts. I told my husband that I was going to buy a special lacy bra so he could take many a photo of me and my breasts. I even told my close male friends they could look at the photos—which sounds weird, and I guess it is weird but that’s how excited I was about getting big boobs.

In the end, my breasts only got big enough to fill an ‘a’ cup bra with a little spillage over the front. They grew, of course, when I started to breast feed but never enough fit into a maternity bra. (The photo is of when my breasts were at their biggest.)

PHOTO

Some of my small breasted friends warned me, “When you stop breast feeding, your breasts are going to shrink.” I couldn’t believe it was possible.

And then it happened. I stopped breast feeding and my breasts shrank. Not only did they shrink but they sagged. I kept looking at the carnage that was once my breasts and wondered how it was possible for nipples to sag.

If that wasn’t bad enough, once in the middle of sex with my husband while leaning over, I happened to look down. There were these two ugly old-woman-skin sacks dangling and wobbling from my chest—certainly these didn’t belong to me.

A piece of sexual self confidence was stripped from me that day. And I have yet to get it back.

Now I’m four months pregnant. While my breasts are back to what they were before my first pregnancy (‘aa’ cup), the lower half of my body is growing large…rapidly. I’m trying desperately not to let the self-pity monster sweep me up in his mantra of ‘it’s so unfair’. But it is so unfair.

This time, I have zero expectation of porn star breasts. No special lingerie. I simply want to enjoy the no saggy boobs and cherish how they look; because after breast feeding the second child, they’ll probably be worse—how is that possible?

Saggy breasts, whether you have a child or not, are an inevitable part of life and aging—like wrinkles and taxes. When they show up, it’s like getting a punch in the stomach. There’s really nothing to prepare a gal. And it really plays havoc with self image, self esteem and feeling sexy.

I now understand why many women opt to get their breasts lifted or done. The thought has crossed my mind once or twice and I am stanchly against doing anything like that to my body.

It’s simply amazing how two lumps of fat can play such mind games with a woman’s perception of herself. And win.

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Filed under: Fabulous Guest Bloggers, Just Venting, Sex, humor for women