Faithful readers and contributors here at WorkingMomLifeline.com, know this: I come in peace and bring gifts from my people.

I have been granted that rarest of privileges: a chance to contribute to this fine effort without ever having ovulated. My gratitude for the opportunity is deep and abiding, I won’t abuse it. Believe me, if I could ovul…nah, I won’t lie, I wouldn’t ovulate if I could. Please don’t take that as a sign of insincerity, just thought it would be best to begin with honesty.

The powers that be here decided that the perspective of a single dad might be interesting. Or humorous. Or provide an easier target whenever the faithful feel like venting. I’m OK with any of them, just let me stay. Please. I have so little contact with the outside world.

A little about me:

My name is Stephen Kruiser and I am a professional stand-up comic, writer and occasional voice actor. I have a 10-year-old daughter who occupies my thoughts, time and dreams for the future. When she was an infant and toddler I developed some parental street cred by staying home and doing a lot of freelance writing. Oh, took care of her too, I didn’t just leave her in the Pack ‘N Play all day. She ate and stuff.

I would have brought her on the road with me but science has yet to prove how humans contract the dreaded I Wanna Be In Show Business virus and I wasn’t going to take any chances with my only child by exposing her to it at such a vulnerable age.

Before we go any further, there is one preconception shattering point I would like to address.

I know how to cook.

(“OMG! He did NOT say that! I bet he “cooks” a lot of frozen pizza. LOL”)

Let me clarify: I know the difference between “heating up” and “cooking”.

So that’s out there. Don’t hate me because I’m culinary.

I’ve got a lot of diaper, barf and sickness time logged. The first time she caught a stomach bug happened to coincide with an intake of chocolate. She was alone with me that night. I’m still cleaning the hallway in front of the bathroom in my nightmares six years later. Why can’t they ever make it the last three feet?!?

Laundry shall remain devoid of discussion because some evils shouldn’t be brought out in the open. Let us never speak of this again.

There is much our people can explore with each other. I am not the only one. Others like me exist. In real life, that is.

You won’t find any decent representations of American single fathers in movies, on television (Nannies? Puh-leeze, I’m spending my own money here!) or in any kind of advertisement. Those of us who are real would love to send up a cry of protest but we’re too busy taking care of our kids.

However, I have a weird schedule that affords me time to represent, if you will allow me to.

Reality check (I swear I’m not making this up!): she just came over to hug me while I was writing this and I caught a whiff of b.o. Hers, not mine. First time.

Again, please, let me stay.

I’m going to need someone to talk to.

Thanks. Have to go cook and do dishes now.

Filed under: Fabulous Guest Bloggers